I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
