I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
