my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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