Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
