She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
