Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't deserve a penis
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
