Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
