how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
