I need help removing her.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
