I think I died a long time ago.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
