Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
