I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i need some magic done to my vagina
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
