We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
please don't ironically join a cult
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