You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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