I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
