when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
