hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
