i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
