the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
