meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
