he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
