so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
