The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
