May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
