don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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