you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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