It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize