i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
