what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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