It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
