No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Four minutes until I can fart!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
