Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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