Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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