I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
