i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
