it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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