I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
