The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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