Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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