ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So. Much. Porn.
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