I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
