I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
