last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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