More tranny stories later!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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