Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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