A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
