I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
