Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
