Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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