oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
