nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
