I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
