he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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