If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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