last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
