I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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