So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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