Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
