Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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