So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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