is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
