Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
