This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
