dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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