mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
