in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
