um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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