I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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