The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
