please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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