Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
