I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
