So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
