my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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