her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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