does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
