Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
