Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
