Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize