im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize