i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
