I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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