p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
