i need an iv and a liver transplant
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
