Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
