his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
even my farts smell like vagina
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
