I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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