theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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