So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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