dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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