Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
