oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
being pregnant is like rehab
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize