we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i believe in u and ur pee
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