Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
