She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
