And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
