Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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