Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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