I skipped work to stalk him.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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