I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize