If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
