17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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